Thursday, January 24, 2008

5 Coolest Job Titles

In my recent endevor to find myself a new job, I have run across a great many people claiming to be a great many things. There have been job titles that I have laughed at, scoffed at, made fun of, been curious about, or in some cases, flat out wanted.

So here is what I have come up with; these are going to be the top job titles that I have seen. The jobs themselves may be bullshit, but the titles they carry are somewhat redeeming. But as in any countdown, here are the rules...

1. You have to be able to put it on a business card that you could hand to anyone. For example, you probably wouldn't hand a card that reads "Professional Call Girl" or "Male Escort" to your grandmother or your children. And that leads nicely into the second criteria...
2. You have to be able to sign it at the bottom of your W-2 or 1099. When you pay taxes, you are always asked your profession at the bottom with your signature. Job titles such as "Call Girl", "Escort", "Marajuana Cultivator/Entrepenuer" (yes that means drug dealer no matter how you slice it) isn't going to work.
3. You have to get paid to do it. Sounds simple enough, but this is pretty much in there to rule out the people who want to call themselves CEO's when in fact, they are a cog in the wheel that is AMWAY.
4. It has to sound cool, period. Anything sounds cool when you introduce yourself and "Bond. James Bond." For example, "Nice to meet you. My name is Bond. James Bond. I am a professional balloon sculptor." But the true test it can you say it with a name like Lloyd Christmas (a.k.a. Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber)?

So here, in no paritcular order, are the top five coolest job titles I have come across.

5. Actuary: Yes I know this is a cool word for an accountant. But it's still a cool word. If you were smooth about your introduction you could press up on someone, shake their hand, and say "Hello sir...Lloyd Christmas, actuary." Sounds good to me.
4. Angler: For those who don't know, this is a sport fisherman. To be a bit more specific, a fisherman who catches fish with a hook as opposed to a net. "Lloyd Christmas, angler."
3. Neurosurgeon: Who doesn't sound like a stud introducing themselves as a Neurosurgeon?
2. Brigadier General: Just say this one out loud one time. The truth of it is, a full Colonel is in charge of a batallion, while the next step up to Brigadier General puts you in charge of not a whole lot. But it sure sounds cool. Honorable mention to Rear Admiral too.
1. Imagineer: This is a term totally drummed up by Disney as a corporation for the people who sit around and think up all the wild and crazy stuff in their theme parks, product lines, and pretty much anything else that keeps that multi-gazillion dollar empire running. All those days playing Dungeons and Dragons seems to be paying off doesn't it. "Hi, Lloyd Chirstmas...Imagineer."


Anonymous Mom said...

Imagineer is my favorite

8:07 PM  

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