Monday, February 23, 2009

A Prayer to the Paton Saints...

A very, very, very odd combination of events conspired with one another to lead me to write this. Actually, I guess all in all the events, themselves, are not odd. It’s the combination of them and their occurrence that is the odd part.

Probably two weeks ago (maybe three), The Da Vinci Code was on TV. If you haven’t seen the movie or read the book, I’m a little surprised. But the main character, Robert Langdon, is a professor of symbology, which really seems more to be a professor of all disciplines of history, sociology, and human geography. Anyway, he makes reference to the origins of the date Friday the 13th as being unlucky. I couldn’t remember what the year was, so I decided to re-read the book, find the date, and cross check some of the facts in the novel against whatever information I could find on the web.

As I read the book for the second time, there were a great number of things that caught my attention. Some of them jumped right out. Some of them were a bit more subtle. Some of them were wrapped in a character profile, some made allusions to religious history, some were dates, some were events, places, the list goes on and on. A lot of people have heard of The Knights Templar, particularly if you saw any Indiana Jones movies, with the exception of the most recent one, which was about the cinemagraphic equivalent of driving a nail through my hand. What about Freemasons, and some of their famous alumni? Famous works of art, and various speculations about undertones that most people don’t notice, or don’t care about?

So now as I’m reading, why not find out a little more about these things that a lot of people have heard about and forgotten? I’ve randomly googled so many different things in the past week, if someone is monitoring my threads, they’re going to think I’m going off to a Holy War. But today, I came across a name that most people have heard; Edward the Confessor. Here’s a little background just because… He was an Anglo-Saxton King, and the last of The House of Wessex. He was coroneted April 3rd, 1043. He was succeeded by Harold Godwinson. Harold II was the one responsible for pleading the case for canonization before Pope Alexander III in 1161. So? I dunno. Just thought you’d like to know. What this has to do with anything is this; Edward was named the Patron Saint of kings, difficult marriages, and separated spouses.

There’s a Paton Saint of difficult marriages and separated spouses?

So that got me thinking; what other odd things are there Patron Saints of? You would be shocked…

Are you an arms dealer? Then you’ll be wanting the additional protection of Adrian of Nicomedia. How about a bartender, Boy Scout, or innkeeper? You’ll want to find Amand. Anthony of Padua watches over brush makers. St. Christopher looks out for travelers, surfers, and athletes. Magnus of Avignon, as well as Peter the Apostle aid the safety of your neighborhood fishmonger considerably. Incidentally, Peter the Apostle is also the Patron Saint of about eight other things too.

Earlier this afternoon, my friend Aaron suggested we make a less-than-Holy pilgrimage to a nearby casino riverboat. What does this have to do with anything what so ever? It means I have say an extra prayer to St. Cajetan, the Patron Saint of gamblers and good fortune. Incidentally, he’s also the Paton Saint of the unemployed as well as job seekers. I guess that’s not really a coincidence huh?

Monday, February 09, 2009

The Stars Are Announced!

Last night, ABC delivered the cast of the newest season of Dancing With the Stars. Always one to armchair quarterback, why not jump right into speculation on who’s going to win? I’m pretty sure my pre-show assessments last season were pretty accurate, but this season is delving deeper into obscurity than seasons past. Nevertheless, onward!

Lil’ Kim: Rapper, recording artist, and occasional actress. She has made dance songs and subsequent videos. She should be able to do some damage, as recording artists have been able to do in the past i.e. Spice Girl Mel B. But rappers have not had a long shelf life in this competition in the past (see also: Master P).

Steve-O: Wildboy and TV personality. This guy just gets on my ever-loving nerves. I can’t possibly imagine he’s going to take this at all seriously. Look for an early departure.

Nancy O’Dell: TV personality. She’s one of those “I think I’ve heard the name before” types. If nothing else, she is a very elegant lady, which by itself will make her look better even if she doesn’t dance as well right off. That may buy her some time to continue to improve, assuming she’s not strong from the beginning.

Lawrence Taylor: Retired football great. Retired football players have done very, very well in the past (see also: Emmitt Smith, see also: Warren Sapp). Of course, that assumes he’ll lay off the sauce while in rehearsals…and by sauce, I mean crack.

Shawn Johnson: Olympian. Olympians also have a strong track record in this contest (see also: Kristi Yamaguchi, see also: Maurice Green). Again pushing the age barrier, she is the third contestant they’ve had in three straight seasons to break the youngest mark. Rhythm and grace should come easily.

Chuck Wicks: Country something or another. Not a clue who this guy is? Apparently he’s dating Julianne Hough, which sounds like it might be enough of a reason to get her back on the show for another season…so he’s alright in my book.

Gilles Marini: Actor. Most famous for his outdoor shower scene showing his dong in the Sex and the City movie (yes I saw it and I was not the only guy in the theatre thank you very much!), I think he had what, 2 lines? But the imports have done well here, so who knows (see also: Christian De La Fuente)?

Denise Richards: Actress. And speaking of naked scenes, I’d like to hearken back to the fine cinemagraphic masterpiece that was “Wild Things”. Pretty ladies who get on just because they’re good looking are hit or miss. You can either get a Brooke Burke (winner), or a Kim Kardashian (bounced in the 3rd week which was 2 weeks too many).

Steve Wozniak: Apple co-founder. Ah hell, I dunno.

Belinda Carlisle: Singer. She reminds me of the second coming of Perscilla Presley. She even kinda looks like her.

David Alan Grier: Actor, comedian. Comedians don’t have a good track record on this show. All we have to do is look back the past two seasons to Jeff Ross and Adam Carolla, respectively.

Ty Murray: Cowboy. I don’t think there’s ever been a cowboy on this show before. But more people only know who this guy is because he married Jewel. And speaking of which…

Jewel: Singer. I don’t think she has anything better to do. And I think it’ll only be a matter of time until she makes some manner of political statement or does some activist thing.
The partners have not been announced yet. Stay tuned.