Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Season 9 Stars

Today is a sacred and holy day in my year. All right, that’s a bit of a stretch, but it’s a pretty cool day, nonetheless. Today is the day when the people at ABC see fit to announce who will be participating on the newest season of Dancing With the Stars. It is, indeed, a happy day to be sure. So let’s see who we’ve got to look forward to…

Mya: We haven’t seen much of Mya since she released “Return of the Ex” a while ago. But she should follow in the vein of Lil’ Kim who was unjustly ousted, and Mario, who did some damage a few seasons back. I’ll look for pretty good things from her.

Macy Gray: Wow. Just, wow. She has always seemed like such a kook that I wouldn’t expect her to be around too long. Of course, Cloris Leechman put something of a dent in that theory, so who knows?

Aaron Carter: Ugh. With big brother, Nick binging on cocaine and slapping debutante girlfriends around, I figure he’s just a few years behind him. However, young teens who’s presentation is sexually androgynous, i.e. Cody Linley, and boy-banders have done well here in the past.

Melissa Joan Hart: I think she’s still on a “look how much weight I lost” kick from earlier this year, and looking for some publicity to get some new projects going. We’ll have to see if Sabrina, the Teenage Witch can do some work. Hell, she managed to be a teenage witch until she was 30, so maybe she can.

Debi Mazar: Proof that you don’t need to be attractive in presentation or personality to have a job in Hollywood. She’s got one of those voices that makes me want to stick sharp things in my eyes like Fran Drescher, Erkel, or Janice from Friends. She better be awesome because I doubt she has the following to get random votes.

Joanna Krupa: Probably one of the hottest women on the planet…and that is not just an opinion, Maxim says so. Trust Maxim. Maxim is good and wise. Randomly hot women with few other credentials are known to go very far and even win this thing. Just ask Stacy Keibler and Brooke Burke.

Kathy Ireland: See also-Joanna Krupa argument.

Kelly Osbourne: I would think that she would be the type to not take this at all seriously, and shun the show as a statement against conformity. But the show has gained enough popularity that I would think they could find someone else who would take their participation seriously enough to try.

Donny Osmond: The Osmond family has done well in this arena before, even if they did manage to hang around three weeks longer then they should have.

Chuck Liddell: The Iceman danceth. I wouldn’t have expected to see an MMA star in the mix, but what the hell? If he can’t beat you on the dance floor, he’ll beat you somewhere.

Louie Vito: Who?

Natalie Coughlin: Olympians have done very, very well in this show historically. I can see her having some staying power.

Michael Irvin: The all-pro turned cocaine and hooker addict turned born again Christian might be able to hang in for a while. Football players have strong track records here. Just ask Warren Sapp, Emmitt Smith, or Jerry Rice to name a few.

Tom DeLay: I have never heard of this guy in my life? He’s a former republican majority leader, which means pretty much nothing to me other then he used to do something political and now he doesn’t anymore. Actually, now he probably does something else political. See how much I care?

Mark Dacascos: The Chairman, himself! He’s a martial artist, an actor, and the host of Iron Chef America, Mark Dacascos. I am expecting him to be a serious contender in this season. A history of martial arts has taught him grace, conditioning, and respect. Not to mention, for a little guy he has an impressive presence.

Look for the first episode September 21st.

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