Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Just when I think I'm out...

I said after last season of Dancing With the Stars that unless they either re-vamped the judging criteria to allow the judges’ opinions to carry more weight late in the season, or got some really impressive contestants, that I was pretty much done with the show. Yes, I’m still irritated that Donny Osmond won. Anyone who watched that show with full mental clarity could tell that he wasn’t the best celebrity turned dancer on the show. That said, I guess someone, somewhere felt my pain because while the scoring may still be the same, at least they came strong with some cool contestants.

That said, here they are;

Aiden Turner: Male soap opera stars have done well on this show. Just ask Cameron Matheson. He’s got a following of people who know who he is from his daytime exploits, and which are probably a similar contingent of people who watch DWTS. He’s dancing with Edyta Sliwinska who’s the only pro to have been on every single season thus far. Incidentally, she was the one who danced with Cameron when he was on. He’ll probably be around for at least a little while.

Buzz Aldrin: If you don’t know who he is, get your bum-ass back to high school, or even grade school, history class. This guy was famous more then 10 years before his partner was even born. Speaking of his partner, he’ll be dancing with Ashley Costa, who hasn’t been on the show for a few seasons now. Older guys don’t generally do well on this show. Just ask Tom DeLay. I don’t expect he’ll be around too long, but he’s still one hell of a model American!

Chad Ochocino: He’s in great shape, agile, knows good footwork, coordinated. I’ve always been a fan of Chad’s and as long as he can keep his head right and not screw around, I think he’ll be dangerous. He’s dancing with Cheryl “I-Tend-To-Spin-Too-Much-And-Outdance-My-Partner” so we’ll see how that works. Not only has she won this thing before, but football players have a strong track record here, including Cheryl’s partner for her repeat win, Emmitt Smith.

Erin Andrews: Erin’s an ESPN correspondent who probably gained the bulk of her notoriety a few years ago when someone managed to videotape her naked in a hotel room. But she does have the Hot-Chick corollary working in her favor. A refresher, randomly hot women tend to do well in this show. The outlying variable, Kathy Ireland who might as well have tripped, fallen, and used ethnic slurs. She’s dancing with Maksim Chmerkovskiy who has a tendency to be a little hot tempered and impatient, but her knows his stuff. Sidenote; A few years ago when he was slated to dance with AVP star Misty May, my wife and I saw him live and in person at an AVP event in Cincinnati. And with an unblemished record of heterosexuality, I can say yes, he is every bit as good looking in real life as he is on TV.

Evan Lysacek: Come on now, this isn’t even fair. He just won a gold medal so everyone knows who he is, and he’s a figure skater! Didn’t we learn enough from the year Kristi Yamaguchi made everyone else look like children from week one? I guess the producers went to Anna Trebunskaya and said “Hey, sorry about putting you with Chuck Liddel. Here’s a slam dunk.” Look for this guy to be in the finals if not just outright smoke everyone.

Jake Pavelka: I’m really sick of the show “The Bachelor”. More then that, I’m tired of people complaining about how the guy in question always picks the wrong girl citing rationales like “she’s just on here for publicity” or “she just wants his money” or whatever. These women are on a reality TV show to find a husband. Are you at all surprised about their character? He’ll be paired with Chelsie Hightower who’s proven to be a very talented addition to the cast of pros in the past two seasons.

Kate Gosselin: As if she wasn’t overexposed enough already. I’m pretty sure there’s not a person left in the country that can stomach this woman? I’m pretty sure even her kids will have to change their last names to make anything of themselves later in life. She’ll be with Tony Dovolani, which is too bad, because I really like him, but would love to see her trip and fall down the steps the first week. It could be an Allstate commercial..."life comes at you fast." There you go Kate. There's your next payday.

Nicole Scherzinger: The lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls, she can sing, dance, understands choreography, and she has the Hot-Chick corollary in her favor as well. She’ll be dancing with Derek Hough, quite possibly the most popular male dancer on the show. He’s got experience, and has won this thing before, so look for her to challenge Evan late in the season. Sidenote; Derek has now been paired with Shannon Elizabeth, Joanna Krupa, and now Nicole Scherzinger. Think he loves his job?

Nicey Nash: You know her from Reno: 911 and Clean House. But she’s got the Melissa Jarret-Winoker thing working against her; bigger people, particularly women, no matter how well they learn the techniques, never look as good doing them as the long and lean people. She’s with Louis Van Amstel who worked wonders with Kelly Osbourne, so maybe he can pull another rabbit out of his hat?

Pamela Anderson: Don’t know who she is? Apparently you’ve been living under a rock, in a cave, with your eyes closed, and your fingers in your ears…for more then 10 years now. Again, Hot-Chick corollary in her favor, not to mention a huge fan base. Of course, the bulk of that fan base is male, so that might prove to be a wash. She’s paired with Damian Whitewood, who I think is a rookie this season. Rookies, though, tend to have reasonable levels of success. She’ll hang around a while I’m willing to bet.

Shannon Doherty: The whole “I hate Brenda” movement was what, 15+ years ago now? In her pictures, she still looks like she just sucked on a lemon and got kicked in the shin. I have no idea how to handicap this one? She’ll be with Mark Balas, who also has some experience having won this contest before. So we’ll have to wait and see what they can do.

Other additions and departures: Co-host Samantha Harris will not be backstage interviewing the contestants this season. Instead, two-time realty show runner-up Melissa Rycroft will be working with Tom Bergeron. What? Too soon to make “second place” comments about Melissa? Well, too bad because she annoys me. Also, it would appear that Lacey Schwimmer, the self-proclaimed bad girl of the ballroom, will not be a professional on this season’s contest. I wish I could say I was more upset about that. Can someone get Julianne Hough on the phone please?

The new season starts March 22nd.


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