Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Season 10 Baby!

Luck shone good fortune upon me. The Gambling gods were kind in my first experiences with craps, and I was lucky enough to be near a TV to watch the opening night of Dancing With the Stars. Yes, that’s right, I care so little about anything relating to NCAA basketball that I watched DWTS. Let the “you know how I know you’re gay?” jokes begin. And while we’re at it, let the handicapping of the field begin…

Chad Johnson (I just can’t call him Ochocinco): Chad looked pretty good. He and Cheryl “Spins-too-Much” Burke did themselves a nice little Cha-Cha-Cha and scored an 18. The crowd wasn’t thrilled with three 6’s, but it’s the first week. As I’ve said before, football players have done very well in this contest, one of them having won with Cheryl in the past. I’m betting we see him deep into the contest. (Side note: Can you imagine the ass-whoopin’ this guy is going to take when camp starts back up?)

Shannen Doherty: She was okay, but I gotta tell ya, she was looking a little hefty. She kept gushing about doing this for her father who’s recently had a pretty major stroke, but I hope he’s not pinning his hopes and dreams on her bringing home a Mirror Ball Trophy. She wasn’t bad, but she wasn’t much more then “just okay”. Too bad too…I really like Mark Balas.

Evan Lysacek: He looks good. He’s going to be a strong competitor. Right now, his biggest issue is probably his partner. Anyone notice what she said to him when they showed their first meeting? Basically she told him how he stole the gold medal from her countryman. I don’t care if you’re kidding or not. Don’t be a bitch. And then after they danced and Brooke Burke was complimenting Evan, Anna took the that opportunity to say “we haven’t seen everyone dance yet, so we’re not sure how well we’re actually doing.” Again, don’t be a bitch. Is it any wonder that Burno and Len said they needed to work on their chemistry? Can someone PLEASE get Julianne Hough on the phone?

Jake Pavelka: This guy is already starting in a hole in my book. I don’t like the show “The Bacholer”. It’s always the same. He picks the wrong girl. We get it. Anyway, for the first time in three seasons now, Chelsea Hightower came off like a little snot, while Jake’s fiancée was sitting in the front row forcing an uncomfortable and territorial smile at them as they danced. He was pretty decent. He’ll probably be around past the halfway mark.

Erin Andrews: She looked pretty good…literally, and dancing-wise. She and Maks make one good-looking couple out there. (See my previous DWTS blog for comments on Maks) The only thing that may hurt her is not a whole lot of people know who she is, so she may lose out on the fan vote.

Buzz Aldrin: God bless Buzz for trying at 80 years old. Too bad he’s easily the worst one. Personally, I think he should be grandfathered straight to week three. If there was a DWTS: Seniors Edition, he’d kick ass. As it is, I’m afraid he won’t be around too long. But give the guy credit; he probably has grandkids older then his partner.

Niecy Nash: The woman snarffed down a cheeseburger before she went on stage for crying out loud. And she’s definitely the only competitor to go on that show and say “I don’t want to lose weight while I’m here.” Are you kidding me?

Aiden Turner: I’m comfortable enough with myself to say when a guy is attractive, and I guess he’s not bad looking. But when you introduce yourself and say “I’m probably best known for being a heart-throb” on whatever soap opera he’s on, you kinda sound like an ass. Not that I’m worried about it because I don’t think he’ll be around too long.

Kate Gosselin: I hear Webster’s is going to make “Gosselin” and entry. It will read like this; Gosselin (GOSS-lin) 1. a no-talent ass clown 2. a media whore 3. an opportunist. True story. I can’t stand this woman. For the record, I don’t think much of her now ex-husband either. I hope she doesn’t last long, but she should make it a few weeks just by default. But if she tripped and fell on live TV, I wouldn’t be too upset about it.

Pamela Anderson: I gotta say, Pam still looks pretty darn good. Her dancing wasn’t too bad either. She looked like she was right on the edge of being out of control, but never seemed to go past that point. And she has two secret weapons; the “Hot Chick Corollary” and the “Rookie Bonus”. (See previous DWTS blogs for explanation) I think she could do some damage.

Nicole Scherzinger: Wow…that’s a pretty lady right there. Now, a lot of people think it’s unfair for her to be in this competition because choreography is a part of her job. Others think that this is an entirely different style of dance, all together. I think both parties are right, but she certainly has an edge. Not to mention she’s dancing with Derek, who probably has the biggest fan base of any male dancer on that show.

Right now, I think it’s a two-horse race between Nicole and Evan. At this point, everyone else is playing for third.

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